Matchmaker
by Never Walk
Summary: Now that John has finally snagged Rodney, he wants to help his friend, Lorne, find that someone special too. Sequel to 'Intersections'. AU.
1. The Setup

Author's Notes: Sequel to 'Intersections'. Beta'd by the wonderful korekarasu! glomps

------

"Please tell me this is one of those outrageously stupid things you say to get a rise out of me, and then take back so I'll give you great sex out of sheer relief that my boyfriend isn't as much of an idiot as he pretends to be," Rodney glared at the man sitting next to him on the couch.

John blinked innocently at Rodney, replying, "I thought we always had great sex, Rodney."

His eyes immediately narrowed. "Fine. _Spectacular_ sex out of relief."

Grinning, John tilted his head to the side and simply watched his lover of eleven months.

"Oh God, you're serious," Rodney muttered, turning away for a moment to survey John's apartment. "Just because you were fortunate enough to find a great catch such as me doesn't mean that you are qualified to matchmake _anyone_."

His smile widening, John reached out to wrap his arms around the other man and pull him close. "Then I'm lucky I have such a genius to help me find someone for Lorne."

His chest puffed out slightly. "Well, that's definitely true. And has Lorne agreed to this humiliation?"

"Rodney, it's not humiliation; it's an intervention."

"I take that as a no, then."

Nodding, he answered, "It's a no."

"And who do you have in mind as the first person to participate in this torture session?"

"Radek."

"You can't be serious."

Unbelievably, John actually pouted at that. "What's wrong with Radek?"

"What does _he_ have in common with _Lorne_?"

"What do you and I have in common?" John retaliated, his left eyebrow quirked up.

He huffed for a moment, his arms crossed over his chest.

"Rodney, I want you to call Radek and ask if he's free Saturday night. I'll take care of Lorne."

"Fine. At least I won't have to witness this catastrophe."

"Why do you say that?"

Rodney's expression clearly questioned John's intelligence level.

Interrupting before his lover could say what he was obviously thinking, John explained, "I'm talking about you not being a witness. We're going, and we will be there for every romantic moment between them." He paused a moment, letting McKay wonder before he finished, "It's a double date."

"Damn."

-tbc-


	2. The Dates

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**3 Days later**

"You owe me sex for this," Rodney muttered to John. "_Lots_ of sex."

Seconds later, Lorne leaned over and whispered into John's other ear, "I can't believe I let you talk me into this."

John simply smiled at both of them, rolling on the balls of his feet. The three of them stood in a corner of the waiting area of a nice Italian restaurant, John happily in between his two companions, listening to both of them grumble. "Oh, here comes Radek," he gestured towards the opening door of the restaurant.

The short, wild-haired Czech marched in, mumbling in his native language, his eyes on the floor as he moved. An instant before he would have bumped into Rodney, he stopped and looked up, eyes instantly closing in on Lorne.

John couldn't help himself; he glanced over to Lorne as well, examining his friend's short dark hair, brushed forward, guiding a viewer's attention to blue eyes and an angular nose. And, by Lorne's expression, he was inspecting Radek as well, but didn't seem terribly impressed.

Unfortunately, by the looks of it, Radek didn't seem too pleased either. After a short string of more indiscernible Czech, he pointed to Lorne while asking, "Who is this?"

John slowly turned his head towards his boyfriend, a silent question in his eyes.

Rodney, at least, looked away from his lover guiltily. "Radek, this is Lorne, your date."

"Date? What date?"

"You know…you're…date…the one I told you about."

"You told me nothing of a date," Radek asserted.

Resisting the urge to slap Rodney upside the head, John stepped away from the group. "I'm going to go get us a table."

---

John and Rodney sat side by side, each across from his friend while Lorne and Radek silently glared at the couple setting them up.

Finally, the Czech cleared his throat, and turned to his date, "Lorne is an odd first name."

"It's my last name, actually," Lorne answered. "But that's what everyone calls me."

"Do you not have a first name?"

Knowing it was a bit of a touchy subject, John spoke up. "Uh, Lorne here is a fellow instructor."

"Ah," Radek nodded. "You are crazy like John."

"I don't know if anyone's actually crazy like Shep here, but I have fun with my job."

"I work with Rodney in lab."

"On that wormhole thing? He's always talking about it, but I have no idea what he's saying most of the time."

"We're trying to develop a model for a traversable wormhole." Oblivious to the blank expression on the instructor's face, he leaned forward and continued. "You see, there are several different types of wormholes: traversable, non-traversable, Lorentzian, Euclidean. It is a common belief that Euclidean wormholes are non-traversable since they are thought to collapse immediately upon formation, however-"

"Can we not have this argument again?" Rodney interrupted.

"It is a valid question, McKay, and it's worth examining in greater detail."

"It's only worth it if you want to completely ignore…"

It was at that point that John flashed Lorne an apologetic grin. "So, I like ferris wheels, going to the beach, and relaxing picnics. You?"

---

Twenty minutes later, John eyed Lorne's plate. "That chicken parmisiagna looks good."

Pointing his fork, he nodded to John's plate in return. "So does your bowtie festival. Mind if I get a bite?"

"No, help yourself…so long as I can try yours."

"Sure."

The two of them pushed their dinners closer to the center so that both could eat from either plate, and beside them, the debate continued between the scientists, who only took brief breaks to eat. While Lorne and Radek didn't seem to mind, John was a little disappointed because he was more Lorne's date than the Czech.

The problem was that Rodney also came to that conclusion, as evidenced by the pain-filled groan coming from Lorne as he reached under the table to hold some unknown body part. And John's punishment wasn't far behind. Seconds later, his foot was crushed beneath a heavy, physicist's boot.

"Knock it off," John hissed.

"I may need some ice over here."

---

Once the wounds were tended to, the debate picked back up, leaving John and Lorne to each other, yet again.

An hour of ignoring Rodney and Radek later, the two flight instructors slightly limped out of the restaurant behind their respective dates.

"It was…nice meeting you…"

"Radek," John whispered.

"…Radek." Lorne held out his hand for a quick shake.

"Yes. Good night now. Rodney, I will see you tomorrow in lab." Then he turned and left.

Lorne turned to John and mouthed, "Never again," before leaving as well.

"I told you."

Sighing, John replied, "Okay, you were right. I was the one on the date with Lorne, which, by the way, you didn't have to kick so hard."

"You're lucky that's all I did."

"At least you're cute when you're jealous." He pulled Rodney in for a quick kiss. "Now, back to Lorne…what do you think about Kavanagh?"

---------

**3 Weeks later**

With his arms settled comfortably around Rodney, John could feel when he took a breath to speak.

"After that pathetic attempt with Radek, how did you convince Lorne to go on another blind date?"

"You don't want to know. And you should take some of the blame for that horrible date. If you hadn't monopolized Radek for that argument of yours, he and Lorne could have hit it off."

Rodney turned in John's arms and stared as if waiting to see if John would add anything else.

"What?"

"I just keep hoping that you are going to say that this has all been an elaborate joke of some kind, and that you'll take me back to your apartment to have lots of great sex."

It always went back to sex for McKay. Smirking, John shook his head. "Sorry, this is not just some excuse to get into your pants, as if I didn't already have full access anyway."

Instantly, Rodney's chin rose in indignation, "As if you had any complaints."

No, no he didn't. He leaned down to kiss Rodney when his lover pulled back to say, "Kavanagh is coming. Where is Lorne?"

John scanned the crowds loitering outside the movie theater, and found Lorne marching towards them, a firm frown on his face. "Oh, there he is." He loosened his hold on Rodney while the two of them waited for their respective coworkers – Rodney had been explicit in saying that Kavanagh was, by no means, to be called his friend – to reach them.

"Did you at least tell Kavanagh that Lorne would be his date?" John whispered into his boyfriend's ear just as the two people in question halted a few feet away from each other.

Rodney threw John a quick scowl over his shoulder. "Ah, you two are just in time. Lorne, this is Kavanagh, your date."

All watched Lorne's eyes skim over Kavanagh's appearance, from his long, slightly greasy hair that was pulled back in a ponytail to his scuffed, overused shoes.

Grimacing at the 'you're not serious' glare Lorne aimed his way, not to mention the 'I told you so' expression on Rodney's face, John gestured towards the ticket booth. "Let's go on in."

---

John orchestrated the seating to keep Kavanagh and Rodney on complete opposite ends. Not because he was afraid they'd get into another discussion as Rodney had with Radek, but because he really didn't want Rodney using his seat cushion to smother Kavanagh, as he'd threatened to do seconds after John had suggested this date (and Rodney wanted to make sure that John knew he would only resort to a primitive seat cushion because he doubted his death ray would be allowed into the theater). That left Lorne and John together on the inside, each sitting by his date for the movie; however, Lorne didn't seem to appreciate that arrangement, as he glanced over to a leering Kavanagh, then shifted closer to John. Grinning reassuringly to his friend, John laid his arm around Rodney's shoulders and sunk into his seat.

It wasn't until the movie was 10 minutes in that the real trouble began. John looked over to see Lorne staring at a hand on his thigh with a strange look of disbelief. Recognizing Lorne's clenching fists for the sign that they were, John leaned over to Rodney. "Hey, is Kavanagh a screamer?"

His attention still fully focused on the screen, Rodney waved him away.

"Rodney," he whispered.

"Shh."

Gritting his teeth, John continued, "I need to know if Kavanagh is a screamer."

"I'd prefer not to think of Kavanagh's behavior in the bedroom, thank you, I just ate."

"I don't mean if he's a screamer during sex, I meant-" but he was interrupted by a grunt and a shriek coming from beside him. John and Rodney turned back in time to see Kavanagh clumsily making his way towards the aisle, his arm twisted behind him and held against his back by Lorne, who politely excused the two of them to the other theater patrons.

The pair disappeared out the door, and just before John stood to follow, a piercing wail echoed through the theater. Seconds later, Lorne marched back in, radiating smugness, and retook his seat.

Rodney leaned over John's lap, his eyes wide, "Did you kill him?"

"Of course not," Lorne grinned, watching the screen. "Just don't expect to see him at work tomorrow."

Once settled again, John leaned over, most of his attention on the movie. "So for the next date, I was thinking…"

"Wait. Are you _absolutely_ sure he's gay?"

--------

**5 Months later**

"You seriously can't be my boyfriend," Rodney muttered, his right hand over his eyes.

John turned, his forehead wrinkled. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"You need a translator now?" he dropped his hand. "The universe cannot be so cruel as to make me fall in love with such an imbecile. It's a miracle that Lorne is actually letting you set him up, yet again, and this is what you do?" He dramatically gestured to the paintball field just ahead of them, barely noting the several small groups standing out in the midday sun, eagerly waiting to be let in to play.

"It'll be fun," John defended.

"And to top it off, you chose Cadman to be Lorne's date."

"What's wrong with Cadman?"

"Well, for starters, she's Carson's girlfriend."

"_Ex_-girlfriend."

"By _six_ days!" Rodney moved forward the few inches the space between he and John allowed. "I never claimed to be the socially adept person in this relationship, but even I know that's crossing _some_ line."

"You're the one who brought up the possibility that he might like girls, and she's the only female you know!"

"Going back to the fact that I know her through Carson!"

"And if all goes well tonight, we can set Carson up with someone next time."

Rodney's immediately responded with a murderous glare.

"Rodney," John smirked, "put a smile on your face. Here they come."

---

Wiping the yellow paint from his cheek, Rodney grumbled, "No sex for you tonight."

"Why?" John pouted, his paintball gun still aimed at his lover.

"You just shot me in the face!"

John's imagination took over, and he couldn't stop himself from chuckling.

"Oh, ha ha."

"I aimed for your chest, but you ducked," he responded in his most reasonable tone, the slightest hint of a grin still present. He took a quick moment to scan the battlefield, sifting through the other players in search of Lorne and Cadman. At the opposite end of the field, the dark-haired man huddled against a barrel, peeking over the top of it while the blonde woman snuck up behind him. By the time Lorne realized that Cadman was on his six, the purple paintball hit his ass and he jumped up, screaming.

Hearing their laughter from across the distance, John allowed himself to bask in the smug knowledge that he'd brought them together.

"Oh, don't start. Remember, this is your third attempt…even you would have to get it right eventually," Rodney rolled his eyes a second before he aimed his gun and shot John's left shoulder.

"Hey!"

Snickering, Rodney turned and ran, his gun continually firing behind him.

---

Cadman's blonde hair was speckled with green and orange paint, which Lorne said made her look more attractive (not to mention, made John elbow Rodney and glare rather pointedly).

"Yes, yes, John, you are Cupid incarnate," Rodney gestured to the couple sitting across from them on one of the picnic tables just outside the battlefield.

"Cupid?" Cadman asked, her jaw dropping.

"Hey guys, I thought you said this wasn't another blind date," Lorne added in. "Shep, you said that this was just going to be friends hanging out."

Blushing, John opened his mouth to explain, but thought better of it.

"Look, Lorne," the only woman in the group turned to her date, her voice and expression somber, "I had fun today, and I wouldn't mind doing this again some time. But I just got out of a relationship, and I'm just not looking to date anyone right now. I'm sorry for leading you on."

Lorne sat there, silent for a moment, before replying, "It's alright. You…you didn't know."

Leaning over, she kissed his cheek, then stood. Within minutes she was gone, after a quick slap upside both John's and Rodney's heads, leaving the three men sitting at the table alone.

Lorne watched her leave, an unreadable expression on his face. John was about to say something to break the silence and, hopefully, cheer his friend when Lorne leaned across the table. "Okay Shep, I realize that nothing I say is going to stop you from setting me up on these blind dates, so I'm not going to even try anymore. But no more people from Rodney's lab, and no more girls. Alright?"

"Sounds fair. How about someone from the lab next door?"

--------

**2 Weeks later**

"I believe I distinctly said no more of Rodney's labmates," Lorne argued, scanning the other restaurant patrons in the waiting area.

John glanced over to Lorne, while gesturing behind him to where Rodney stood. "He's not from…"

Interrupting, he continued, "Or, from the lab next door."

Rodney leaned forward so he could see talk around his boyfriend. "He's from across the hall. And before you say anything, don't look at me. This was all John's idea."

"Just trust me. You're going to love this guy."

"Rodney," Dr. Bill Lee strolled up, smiling at each man. "Hi. John. And who's this?"

Lorne stretched his hand out, "Lorne. I'm a friend of Shep's."

"Oh, very nice to meet you," the short, graying man with glasses grinned even wider. "Well, are we waiting for anyone else?"

Shaking his head, John answered, "No, we're all here now. Let's have a seat."

---

Not much happened once the four of them sat down, John next to Rodney, and Lorne next to Bill. John watched his date sniff at his water, no doubt making certain there was no lemon in it. Then he turned his attention across the table to Lorne, who – much to John's dismay – was entranced by his own finger tapping on the table. But the one that made John smirk was Bill, who was simply grinning at everyone in the restaurant.

"So, uh, Lorne," John began, "Bill here is really into _World of Warcraft_."

Immediately the eyes behind the glasses sparkled. "Oh yes. I'm a level 75 mage, specializing in engineering and jewelling."

Shifting in his chair, Lorne finally smiled back. "I love that game; I'm only a level 28 rogue. I wish I could be higher, but I don't get to play all that often."

"Well, I had the beta of the expansion pack, so I sort of had a leg up on most people."

Lorne's mouth hung open, "That's amazing! Who did you have to kill to get the beta?"

"I know a guy," he beamed. "You know, you should come by my house and give it a try. We could make a day of it, and see what we can do about your level, not that 28 is anything to laugh at, mind you."

"I'd love to," Lorne answered, his smile even brighter.

John leaned back and simply watched the two of them excitedly speaking back and forth. He'd finally done it. Bill was the one, he was sure of it.

"My wife isn't that much ahead of you, either. She's a level 35 mage. And we're trying to get the kids into it…you know, to make it a real family bonding experience."

John wasn't sure if Bill kept talking or not; his brain started to tune things out as the grin instantly evaporated from Lorne's face. Then he slowly turned to Rodney, who was artfully avoiding his glare by burying his face in the menu.

Apparently Bill noticed the change in everyone, and asked with obvious concern, "Did I say something wrong?"

"No, no. I was just wondering if Rodney would like some lemon chicken," John answered.

"But I thought he was deathly allergic."

"Exactly."

---

**1 Month later**

Lorne crossed his arms over his chest. "I swear, Shep, if this is another married guy…"

"It's not; trust me," John stood in front of Lorne, making sure to block the only exit from the restaurant. Luckily, Rodney had Lorne's other side, but his lover couldn't hold back Lorne for long, so he needed to get things under control.

"I can't believe you just said those two words to me," Lorne deadpanned.

"Ladon _was_ dating a friend of mine until recently, but he assures me that the two of them are broken up."

"Don't tell me this is going to be another Cadman!"

Rodney sighed, "Don't be ridiculous. Ladon is male. Besides, for some unknown reason, he was excited about this date. Just goes to show that Ladon isn't nearly as smart as he thinks he is, because no one in their right mind would agree to this."

"Rodney," John growled.

"As if Lorne hasn't already figured that out. Oh," his date continued, "and before you ask, his lab is on another floor."

"Great," Lorne grumbled.

Lorne appeared resigned to his fate, but John wasn't about to take any chances, so remained in his position in front of his friend while the three of them waited for Ladon in silence.

"Oh, thank God he's here," Rodney mumbled, waving their fourth over.

John turned slightly – keeping Lorne in his field of vision – to see Ladon casually strolling over to them.

"So, this is Lorne," Ladon smiled, making his dark brown mustache and goatee shift with the movement. "It's a pleasure to meet you."

Lorne actually grinned in return, apparently pleased with the longish-haired man. "Likewise."

The hostess led the four of them into the seating area, but before she could continue on to the back, Ladon stopped her. "Could we have this table, please?" he asked, gesturing to a square table in full view of the front door.

"Of course, sir," she answered, laying a menu at each seat before leaving.

Once they sat down, Ladon scooted his chair ever-so-closer to Lorne's, simply grinning at the questioning gazes thrown his way.

John elbowed Rodney, smiling rather smugly at his date. "I told you Ladon would be a good idea."

"That's safe to say when it's only been five minutes, but, as you will recall, not all the dates started off badly."

"Don't be so negative," John whispered, kissing his lover on the cheek.

As it turned out, Rodney was correct, though.

Ten minutes of flirting later, just as Ladon was leaning closer to Lorne with the obvious intention of kissing him, Ronon appeared in John's line of sight. Dreadlocks hanging loosely around his face, he practically growled. Slamming one fist on their table while using his other hand to pull Ladon out of his chair, Ronon focused hard eyes on Lorne. "Touch him again, and I'll break your neck." Immediately, he turned his attention back to the man he held, and pulled Ladon closer, leaning down to kiss him, forcing his mouth open with his tongue. "You're mine, and one fight isn't going to change that."

"You left," Ladon argued.

"I'm back."

"Good." With his eyes still on Ronon, Ladon spoke to his former dinner companions. "Thanks for the help guys. Good night." Then the two of them walked away, the taller man's arm keeping Ladon securely pressed to his side.

John could only blink.

Rodney, however, managed, "Did Ladon just use us to make Ronon jealous?"

"I think he did," John answered, finally looking to Lorne, whose face was pinched.

"I feel so dirty."

--------

**2 Months later**

John shook out the red and white plaid blanket, then laid it down on the grass. Just a few feet away, Rodney stood beside the picnic basket, cautiously eyeing their surroundings, presumably for any allergens. One eyebrow quirked, John glanced around as well.

"Only you would pick the spot beside the ant bed," Rodney grumbled.

"It's beautiful here. And as for the ants, well, if you leave them alone, they'll leave you alone."

"Did you really have to choose a picnic in the park for this date?" Rodney asked, reaching into his pocket and pulling out his SPF 100 sunscreen.

"It's a nice, sunny, late summer day. Love is in the air." He hesitated a moment, then shrugged, "And to tell you the truth, I don't think I can manage another restaurant scene like the last one."

Parrish knelt down on the blanket and started moving the food from the basket to the blanket. "What happened last time?"

John silenced Rodney with a look before answering, "Lorne hasn't had the best luck with dates lately…"

"Not that it's his fault since you're the one who's been picking his dates for him," Rodney mumbled, rubbing his sunscreen over every exposed inch of skin.

"Anyway," John pretended he hadn't heard that, "if he's a little…hesitant, don't hold it against him."

Innocently smiling, Parrish only nodded.

Ten minutes later, Lorne still hadn't appeared, and the fear that he wouldn't show up was becoming more and more real. John tried to reassure Parrish, but before he could utter a word, his cell phone rang. Moving away from the two scientists, he flipped it open. "Sheppard."

"It's me," Lorne replied.

"Where the hell are you? You're late."

"First, is this guy married?"

"No," John sighed, "he's not married, and he's not in the middle of a fight with his boyfriend either."

"So, you're sure he's gay?"

"Of course I'm sure. I looked into this one. Parrish is a great guy; you're going to love him."

"And he's not a physicist?"

"A botanist, and I won't tell you what Rodney thinks about that."

Silence. Then, "At least he's cute."

That had John scanning the distance, finding Lorne standing under a tree about 50 yards away. "Well then, get your ass over here so you can meet him."

---

"Hi, I'm Parrish," the botanist grinned, holding out a hand.

Lorne stared, dumbfounded for a moment, before reaching out as well. "Lorne."

No one spoke as Lorne and Parrish each seemed to lose himself in the other.

This was really it; what they'd been trying to find for Lorne. And, by the look on both of their faces, it was worth the effort.

From behind him, John heard his lover speak. "If you say one word about love at first sight, I may have to kill you."

Turning back to Rodney, he took his date's hand and pulled him away, leaving their friends alone. A relatively safe distance away, John backed Rodney up against a tree and leaned in for a kiss. "I love you."

The physicist blinked. "I love you, too."

"Move in with me."

Nodding, he smiled. "Okay."

As John came in for another kiss, he heard two girly squeals an instant before Lorne and Parrish ran into view, both stripping their now red-speckled clothes down to their boxers. And even those looked on the verge of being torn off.

"Get 'em off! Get 'em off!" Lorne shrieked, his hands frantically brushing over his naked body.

Parrish mimicked the movement, screaming, "They're stinging me!"

Raising an eyebrow, John watched the two men. "Do you think that's a good or a bad sign?"

---------

**Epilogue: 1 Month later**

"Rodney," John shouted, "put that damn laptop away and get in here!" He set the last two trays of finger foods on the table, and did a quick survey of the room before sighing in relief. Just in time. "Rodney!"

"Tell me, why must we have a housewarming party?" Rodney asked, with surprisingly little annoyance behind it.

"It's food and gifts," John answered him after a quick kiss, "what more could you ask for?"

"Quite a lot actually."

A knock interrupted John's reply. Crossing the living room to open the door, he grinned at a smiling Parrish, who was held in the circle of Lorne's arms.

-end-


End file.
